jaylowe.com
  • jaylowe.com
  • the lowe down
  • resume
  • argus
    • argus history
    • argus songs
    • brian
    • erich
    • greg
    • donovan
    • michael
    • jay
  • photos
  • links

10 Days Without You

11/29/2015

 
Dear Jay, 

It's been 10 days since you left us.  The weight of losing you nearly crushed me today.  Everything is difficult right now.  Everything is painful.  Everything feels awful.  But today was especially painful. Perhaps, it was the fear of facing tomorrow, of facing our different life, a life I don't want.  Arabelle and Emery return to school.  Life is moving forward, meanwhile I feel frozen in place, paralyzed by grief.  I have to begin sorting out our life without you.  I'm only 34, you're only 38 - we were supposed to do so many things together.  I shouldn't be planning my life without you.  

I don't know why today was so awful, but it was.  I feel broken.  At the celebration of your life, I told people not to be sad for us, but today I was really sad for me.  I felt pain and grief like I never have before.  I sat in our room and cried for a couple hours.  I needed to let it out.  I've been fighting it for days.  I've cried a lot since you left, but today I needed a really good, ugly cry by myself.  I let it happen.  I couldn't fight it.  The pain consumed me.  I didn't feel better when it was over either.  I still feel unbelievably sad and lost without you.  I'm sad for the girls, for me, for all the future experiences and memories that were taken from us.  I'm sad we had Thanksgiving without you.  I'm sad Christmas will come and you won't be here.  I'm sad I'll spend New Years Eve with you.  I'm sad this happened, I'm sad you're gone.  

I don't want to do life without you.  I know you're here, but it's different.  It's not the same.  Life seems impossible without you.  How am I supposed to raise our girls without their daddy?  It's so unfair.  It's so wrong.  They need you, I need you.  I don't know why you had to leave us.  I told you we'd be okay, because I didn't want you to worry, but I'm not sure that was true.  I don't feel like I'll be okay.  

I can't express how deeply I miss you, how badly I want to hold your hand, or what I wouldn't give to reach over and feel you lying in bed next to me.  Our life is different, it feels less colorful, more scary, and less full without you.  I don't like it. 

I miss you.  I love you.  I wish you were here.  

Yours, 

Courtney 

This week's five things

11/27/2015

 

1) Snow - The snow and ice hit the Athens area for the second time in less than a month. While we only received a few inches, it caused the University to close Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. For work purposes it was poor timing. Yesterday was the Hartman Fund deadline, so this week should have been slammed at work. Instead we crammed that into two days (more on that later).

For personal reasons, the time off was welcomed. We still are not totally settled in the house, and the few days with nothing on our schedule enabled us to accomplish a lot. The house continues to come together and is starting to feel more like home.

2) The Hartman Fund - UGA Athletics is well supported by thousands of donors. We are fortunate to have the support of so many loyal Bulldogs. This is typically exemplified by the outpouring of support during the Hartman Fund season, our annual fund tied to football ticket priority.

Due to the snow, the mad rush to Saturday's deadline was really crammed into Friday and Saturday. I would estimate about half of our donations, which typically total around $23 million, tend to come in the last week or so. Those days in the office feel like a constant sprint. It's great to converse with so many donors, but you do find your ear hurting a bit from the phone constantly pressed to it.

When it's all said and done, the days of sprinting through work and he following several weeks of clean up are all worth it. The dollars coming in support our student-athletes, so we are pretty lucky.

3) Painted walls - It's pretty amazing how fresh paint makes something feel totally new.

4) Bedtime stories - For almost a year now I've been the defecto

    the lowe down

    The life and times of Jay Lowe, a 30-something university employee, music lover, husband, sports enthusiast and most importantly, dad.

    current enjoyments

    Picture
    Jackopiece - Live 25
    Picture
    Aftermath: Star Wars: Journey to Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    email

    email suggestions to jay@jaylowe.com

    RSS Feed

    archives

    September 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    February 2014
    October 2013
    September 2013
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    November 2008
    September 2008
    July 2008
    May 2008
    April 2008
    December 2007
    October 2007
    September 2007
    July 2007
    June 2007
    April 2007
    January 2007
    December 2006
    November 2006
    October 2006
    August 2006
    June 2006
    May 2006
    April 2006
    March 2006
    February 2006
    January 2006
    November 2005
    October 2005
    September 2005
    August 2005
    July 2005
    June 2005
    May 2005
    April 2005
    March 2005
    February 2005
    January 2005
    December 2004
    November 2004
    October 2004
    September 2004
    August 2004
    July 2004
    June 2004
    May 2004
    April 2004
    March 2004
    February 2004
    January 2004
    December 2003
    November 2003
    October 2003
    September 2003
    August 2003
    July 2003
    June 2003
    May 2003
    April 2003
    March 2003
    February 2003
    January 2003
    December 2002
    November 2002
    October 2002
    September 2002
    August 2002
    July 2002
    June 2002
    May 2002
    April 2002
    March 2002
    February 2002
    January 2002

Proudly powered by Weebly