Holy crap.

When I was a kid, there were very few things more important to me then my family and friends. My Star Wars toys ranked up there, but Carolina basketball was probably tops on my list. I mean, hell, if Carolina lost a game, I'd try and play sick for the next school day so I didn't have to listen to other folks talk smack. I loved Carolina basketball. I watched every game that was ok TV, and I dreamt of playing for Coach Smith and wearing that Carolina jersey.

After about the 5th grade, I realized I would never make it to play for Coach Smith, but at least I could still root for the Heels and hope to see them win a national championship. That dream came true in 1993 when an incredibly talented team, lead by George Lynch, defeated Michigan 77-71. It was one of the coolest feelings I'd had as a kid. Well, that and the Jays winning the Series in '92 and '93.

So now I have that opportunity again, to see Carolina win a national championship. This time though, I'll be able to see it live and in person. YES, I was fortunate enough to obtain tickets to this year's Final Four. HOLY HELL!!! I'm so excited, I can't even explain. I do have two tickets, and my Mom is coming with me. She too, is a life-long Tar Heel fan. I'm hoping the Heels win it just for her!

In other big news this week, my Dad retired Wednesday from RJR Tobacco. He's been with the company forever and has worked his ass off for years. He deserves the time off. Along with my mother, he provided everything my sister and I could've needed while growing up. I'm sure he'll have a period of time where he will want to just relax and be a bum ... hell, I want that ... but he needs to take some time to improve his health. We all get older each day, but my dad is having some hip problems. I just want him to be healthy as much as possible, and I hope he redirects part of his life to deal with that situation. Dad, you know I love you.

So I was in Chicago for a brief period of time this week. I'll probably get yelled at by some folks up there for not seeing them, but it was a very quick trip. I did end up spending some time with an old friend for whom I have had deep care for almost two years now. She and I spent some time laughing and talking, but when it boiled down to it, I finally had to end my fantasy of being with her. She is happy now, and it is a bit hard to deal with. I'm thrilled she is happy. That IS important to me, but a part of me hoped she'd be happy with me.

So when I got back to the hotel, a few beers under my breath, I decided to write a Lowe Down on the tiny Best Western pad of paper by the bed. You'll have to excuse the strong emotion. I am better about things now, but I still wanted to share this. So before I head to St. Louis, here is what would have been another drunken rambling by jaylowe:

Any girl would be lucky to have you.

I used to think my Mom told me that to build my confidence. Little did I know the phrase would haunt me 20 years later.

See, I don't want "any" girl. I want desire. I want passion. I want to not fear that my marriage might not be what I want. I want my children to see a happy home. I want them to see me give everything to my wife. I want them to see my argue with my wife, but then see me do everything ... see her do everything ... just to make it right.

Alas, I am stuck with that phrase. Two years after falling in love, I mean deep love, that is what I am left with.

I don't blame her. I don't blame me. I've felt passion and desire. As I told her the other night, I'll feel it again. I will, right?

I suppose it is just the time where you move on and shut up. I've been on a self destructive path lately and this could easily add to it. But I won't let it. This is my own personal intervention to correct my life. To know that all I want is out there. To know that the feeling I get while watching romantic movies will come again. This is my chance for rebirth.

Don't expect me to leave my job or uproot my life. I'm too strong for that. However, I'll take the time to remind myself what I need, what I want and what I desire.

Where did the month of March go?

Since the double break-in at the casa, it seems like the month has just flown by. I suppose some of that has to do with the fact I was in Atlanta for 6 days at the SEC Men's Basketball Tournament. It really is always a great trip when I have the opportunity to see old UGA friends and folks I've gotten to know throughout the SEC. Rekindling friendships be it old or fresh ones always gives you an added boost. It is refreshing, and in the work sense, reminds me why I enjoy my line of work. Sure, there is always some play involved ... going to dinner with the ISP crew, having drinks with the marketing clowns, hanging out with Dough, Keith, Mitch and the crew ... it is just a hell of a time when I go to Atlanta. I'm a lucky fool.

THE tournament is underway, and we had some great games this weekend. Upsets abound, with my Wake boys, KU, Oklahoma and Syracuse all falling victim to the upset bug. Well, crap. That knocks out one of my final four. In case you were wondering, I had: Louisville, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and UNC. At least the Heels are looking good. I was hoping Dook would get knocked off tonight by the fake Bulldogs (Mississippi State), alas those jerks are still around. But hey, three of my final four are still alive. I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I actually had the pleasure of working with several coaches this past week. Nashville and the Gaylord Entertainment Center played host to a first and second round pod. The Ohio Valley Conference was the host, but with our gym and practice facility within such close proximity, we agreed to be a practice site. Louisville, Ohio, Florida, Georgia Tech and New Mexico all used our facilities throughout the week. It is always good to meet new folks. I probably spent the most time talking with the Louisville folks. Great guys. Pitino seems to run a tight ship, which I can appreciate.

Oh, and no, I do not bet on the NCAA tournament. For those of you who do not know, it is against NCAA policy for any athletic department staff members to bet (well, really betting is illegal in most cites anyway) on collegiate athletic events. Sadly enough, the days of the "office NCAA pool" are a distant memory.

With Georgia Tech being in town, the ACC had to send an office rep. Low and behold, it was my old boss from Wake, David Whitfield. DW is now the director of championships at the ACC, and it was great having him in town. We grabbed lunch and watched some hoops Saturday afternoon and then met for a couple of drinks that night. Downtown Nashville has been crazy since the tourney rounds were here, but it is always nice showing visitors around the city.

Both basketball teams are still alive in post-season, with out women taking on Kansas State tomorrow in the 2nd round of NCAAs and our men playing host to Wichita State in tomorrow's third round of the NIT. Yeap, one more basketball game at home. I was ready to have the home basketball season behind us, but I suppose I can get pumped up for one more game. It just gives me an excuse to wear a suit again. That's not so bad.

I've been writing some song lyrics again. I haven't written anything in a long, long time, but I suppose my recent love life experiences have caused me to be a little more in touch with myself. Back in January, I ended what was about a six month relationship. It was, by far, the longest relationship I'd had since college. She is an amazing woman, but I just wasn't finding myself in love with her. Don't get me wrong, people don't have to be in love to date, but I suppose I've gotten to the point where I'm not going to date someone seriously if there is no love involved. I suppose I should also state it was a long distance relationship, which made it more difficult. I'm not sure if any relationship is fair if it begins with distance. I felt we both made tremendous efforts to make it work, but it just wasn't enough for me. I was accused to not opening up enough, of being scared to share more with her. I certainly do not think I am afraid to open my heart. I think I just know what I want. As many amazing qualities she had, there was just something missing.

So I have moved on in hopes of remaining friends with this great woman. I'm not sure how well that will work out. I pretty much get the feeling she's not in a hurry to remain chums, which I can understand. I'm not the best man in the world, by any stretch. But all of this has inspired me to write ... to write and to also reflect on love. I've felt it a few times. It is an encompassing feeling, which I welcome. It'll come again.

Well, at least the sun is shining in Nashville.

It has been a hell of a last few days. As I sit here at Hawkins Field, it is very possible someone could be breaking into our house for the third consecutive day. Yes, third.

Wednesday evening, my roommate Scott called me to tell me he thought someone had been in the house. I came home and someone had stolen about $20 in change, my Playstation and about six games. I felt a bit violated, but all I lost was a video game system and games. But then, it gets worse.

Yesterday, I get another call from Scott telling me to come home. This time the ASSHOLE stole several more things, including an ACC baseball championship ring and my new digital camera.

It would be one thing if I felt like I did something wrong, but this violation of my privacy and my life is just disgusting. I know this stuff happens to lots of people, but it just drives me nuts. I have never been more pissed in my life than when I walked into my bedroom last night to see my clothes thrown out of my dresser onto the floor. This guy went through my boxers. What a sick bastard.

And bad things happen in only 3s, right? I kind of alluded to this in the last Lowe Down saying some "interesting things" were going on in my life, but I interviewed for an Assistant AD position at Kansas last week. I found out this morning I will not be moving to Lawrence. It seems like everyone there was impressed with me, but they were concerned with my lack of experience. I can understand that. I am young. I have tons to learn. Although, I know I can do that job. But hey, it is spring time. Nashville is a tremendous city. I certainly won't mind being here longer. I am fortunate for my job here at Vanderbilt, and this will also give me some additional time to grow as a leader. That can't hurt.

So bad things in 3s. Dear Lord, I hope that adage is correct. I'll need a beverage or two after this game today.

Who's buyin'?