Thank the dear Lord that DOOK is out of the NCAA tourney. I've mentioned this time and time again, but there is one thing to come out of DOOK that can even remotely be considered classy, and that is my good friend Jacob. See, it isn't Jacob's fault I despise his basketball team. He just had the misfortune of attending one of the best learning institutions in the country that had the biggest jackass for a head basketball coach. Hate isn't a word thrown around much in my vocabulary, but I do hate the DOOK basketball program. Sue me.
If there has ever been a more confusing time in my life, I certainly don't remember. It was so easy growing up; go to school, go to more school, find something outside of school you enjoy, love your family, develop friendships of meaning, and so on. That all leads to me, here, at the tender age of 24 with no clue what is going to happen to me in the next couple of months. So maybe this is a whiney post today, but this is why I have this space. I can say what I want, right?
I'm in the second year of my internship in athletics at Wake Forest. I've had my bumps and bruises, but I've learned a lot and feel more than ready to take on the world. So where is it? Where is the open door? It is just days like there where I feel someone has forgotten about me and locked me in. I'm capable, and I know that most jobs in college athletics don't open for another couple of months. I would just like to have some kind of idea where I might end up. I've heard of this and that job opening, but as of now, there is nothing open. I run events. It is what I do. It is what I enjoy. I put on the show. Regardless of a victory or defeat, I walk away knowing that I just successfully put on a national collegiate event. Silly as it may sound, that does it for me.
It's not like I'm in a race to get out of Wake. I'm really not. Aside from the experience, the greatest part has been the people I meet and interact with on a daily basis. I'm not really ready to leave that behind, but when I do leave I'll carry with me some wonderful people.
Utter confusion here … I suppose I've really enjoyed the last two years. I had just gotten out of a serious relationship that I knew wasn't right for me. In this time, I've had the pleasure to meet numerous women who I've really enjoyed hanging out with. Some more so than others, but I'm learning. I'm learning what I like. I'm learning what I don't like. I'm learning how people treat other people, be it negative or positive. I'm learning how to communicate, without leaving misinterpretations. Honestly, I've had a huge change over the past several months. It's been awhile since I've really wanted to be around someone for an extended period of time.
I'm not sure if I can attribute that to one or more persons. I think it is just a matter of growing up. Realizing that it is ok to find relationships almost becomes a born again idea to me. I went through a point where I didn't want a relationship. Hell, I'm no relationship guru. Erich can tell you, I've already made one huge relationship mistake in my day.
But putting all of that behind me has been a process, one driven by time. I've had time to rebuild my heart. I've had time to relearn things about me that I needed to know. I've had time to meet new people and find more interesting qualities.
This all builds up inside of you. Do I want a relationship of meaning? Yes. Am I out clawing and begging for it? No. I don't think marriage after the first date. I decided if this is someone I want to take serious in my life. Is this someone I should attempt spending more time with?
It just gets frustrating. Frustrating when you have no idea what you truly want, but have some idea of what you enjoy. I know it's not easy. I know I'm whining. I know I talked a LOT more about women then jobs today. I'm not going to ask for your forgiveness. You chose to read.
So here's to keeping things in perspective, because what is important in this column today will be something to laugh about 5, 10, 20 years from now.