My childhood made me.

I really do believe that. I mean honestly, Star Wars, wrestling, Transformers ... all of this is still fresh on the brain as it was 20 years ago. As I sit here and write my last Lowe Down before I travel to Atlanta for the wedding, I realize just how much effect childhood has on the person we become. I mentioned in an earlier Lowe Down I was reading over some old diaries. I believe there is always a need to connect with your past. I have learned from all that I have done and all that have passed before me.

Maybe it is because I am getting married in 4 days. Maybe it is because I hope to have children some day. Maybe it is because I still watch it. Maybe it is just because I have a soft heart. Regardless, this is so tragic.

My family even gives me a hard time for watching wrestling. I love entertainment. This is a form for me. Not for everyone, but for me. The sad part about this is, this is one of those cases where "no one would've suspected" it. Chris was a family guy and gave his heart and soul to the business. I never met him, never knew him, never was in the same room with him. Alas, I feel that pain.

Last year at Greg and Sarah's wedding, I become overly emotional towards the end. It most likely had to do with the fact I was proposing to Courtney 7 days later, but I also believe some of it had to with the fact I believe I have been touched by so many wonderful people. My life is what I have made it. My decisions are not always popular with the norm, but I believe in the decisions I make. I think I am one of the fortunate souls who can honestly say I do not have regret in my life. Everything has brought me to where I am today. My family ... words cannot describe how important they are. My friends ... they witnessed the development of Jay Lowe the kid to Jay Lowe the man. My new family ... wow, I mean they must be really banking on the fact I am a decent guy. I'd be hard pressed to have everyone in these groups agree with my decisions. Just when you think I'm some normal dude, I'll pull make some strange decision. Strange to others, not to me.

My childhood made me. I learned lessons from Obi Wan and Yoda. From Duke and Lady Jaye. From Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. From He-Man and Skeletor. From My mom, my dad and my sister. From my friends. From my favorite musicians. All of these life experiences, be it heartfelt lessons or the typical "tv lesson," made me who I am today. And I fucking love it. Are there days where I question everything? Yes. Would I be foolish not to do so? Yes.

I type before you not a broken man, but a honest and ready man. Four days from now I will pledge my love and my honor to the woman of my dreams. The same woman who tries to ignore the fact I DVR Monday Night Raw, have wrestling action figures and would rather turn on the PS2 than do yard work. Well, there is plenty of that ... I just try and space it out.

So while the next few days will be full of faces and memories, I would be remiss not to think of those who aren't here. All of my grandparents ... Granny, Pappy, Grandma and Grandpa. Stephanie. Friends who can't make the wedding. Friends whom I couldn't invite.

No one will be surprised to see tears pour from my eyes this weekend. The love and passion I have for my family and friends will never tire, but remembering my childhood and its impact will mean so much.

I did shed a tear for Chris Benoit and his family tonight. I won't shed a tear for them this weekend, although all of those childhood memories will surface and cause me to even more appreciate this real adult moment.

This is your new blog post. Click here and start typing, or drag in elements from the top bar.

Ok, so I turned 30 two weeks ago and am getting married in 26 days. I would like to say my life is in high stress, just to play off the obvious important facts ... but honestly, I'm too busy with work and wedding plans to really stress about life. Thanks God, otherwise I'd probably be in line for the next life crisis. Come to think if it, I think I've had enough of those so far. I'm ready to put this car on cruise.

So tomorrow I begin a trip to visit donors which has me beginning in the Dayton airport, in Dallas for an hour or so and then to Palm Springs for the day. The next evening I will spend in Los Angeles, followed by another flight and two nights in the Bay Area. I come home Saturday, and I think it is fair to say I'll be exhausted. But it is exciting. I'm scheduled to meet with several Miami folks while I'm on the left coast. The weather should be interesting, as it will range from the 100s (Palm Springs) to the 60s (Bay Area). I think I'll pack lightly.

The parents were in town over the holiday weekend, and it was a blast. They spent way too much money on us and helped us redo our flower beds. Ok, so dad doesn't really have a green thumb ... but he had green dollar bills. Mom was helping and directing us on what to do with the yard, and it looks 100 times better. It is great to drive up and see flowers in your flower bed. Novel idea, I know.

For me to have the 'rents up here was very important. I wouldn't be where I am today without them, and we certainly wouldn't have the great house we have if it were not for them. No, mommy and daddy didn't buy the house for us. They did the next best thing ... the invested $1,000 25 years ago in some stock and turned it over to me. They did the same thing for Marian, and it has been a blessing. I always pictured my first house as a starter home. Something small and humble, but perfect. This house is larger than I would've imagined, but it is perfect in so many ways. I still find myself feeling like I am a renter from time to time, but some hard work in the yard makes those thoughts vanish quickly. Domestic life may not always be bliss, but it is a lot of fun. The idea of keeping green grass all year is tiring, but I want to try.

What has happened to me?

So on my parents trip to Ohio, my mom brought me some of my old stuff from home. I honestly haven't gone through all of it yet, but she did bring me a journal I kept my senior year of high school. I've been reading it at night just to look back and see how I perceived the interactions with friends and family. I have to admit, I was very silly at times, but then I also realize high school is where my life really began. It is where I became me.

I've had a flood of memories rush over me since reading the journal. Some great, some not so great. I suppose you could say it was the precursor to the now famous Lowe Down. I documented everything from CD purchase (the II album from Boyz II Men), to numerous crushes (Courtney Craver, Kathryn Grubbs, etc), to friendships (the origins of BP) and down to heart ache (the Karen relationship). It is great to relive those memories in my head. I wouldn't trade any of them. It is bittersweet to read the many references to Karen, now that she is no longer with us. It is just so unfortunate. I hope her family is attempting to cope with the loss.

Well, I've been trying to write this Lowe Down for 20 minutes, but the dogs just don't want to behave. I know I've been terrible about updating the page, but I have put a few entries into our wedding website. Please feel free to visit us at jayandcourtney.net. Katherine, one of Courtney's bridesmaids, purchased the site for us last year. We've certainly utilized it.