I typically never talk about girls on my web page. I think it started last year when I was juggling a few ladies and really didn't want any them to find out about each other. Can't have my girls mad at me, now can I? But I am going to get a little out of character and discuss a … well, I'm not sure what it was … but I just need to write about it.

So I started seeing this one young lady over a month ago. The first date recap some of you may have received in your inbox. The moral of that story was that I was more nervous for the date than any other I can remember. It recounted all of the senseless ramblings in my head during the date and actually was pretty funny.

But this fine young girl and I have decided we aren't going to see each other any more. And I'm a little bummed about it. Well, a lot bummed.

She's a great girl. But in the end, she just wasn't ready for me. We enjoyed some really good times together, but the timing was awful. I hate that. I hate the fact that timing has to get in the way of feelings or thoughts. I wasn't looking to marry this girl. That is the furthest thing from my mind when I date someone. But I certainly was looking forward to spending time with her, enjoying life and just welcoming someone into my life again.

She's a great girl, but that won't happen now. Hey, no one is saying that it can't happen down the road, but who knows where our lives will be at that point. My biggest fear is not that she won't come back into my life. My biggest fear is that she will come back into my life, but someone much more intelligent and charming will have swept her off her feet. In the same respect, I cannot allow myself to sit around and wait on her. I could find an amazing girl next week that I'll want to spend a lot of time with. I'm not really expecting that to happen here in DeKalb, but you never know.

She's a great girl. And I loved how we could talk for hours. And we did. It didn't matter if I was 5 minutes away, right there in front of her or miles and miles away. We never ran out of things to talk about. Good conversation is not always easy to find. I'll appreciate that.

She's a great girl. Her beautiful brown eyes are so honest. When we were sitting there deciding that the timing was screwed, I almost cried. I'll miss her eyes. Yes, I can be a wuss. No doubt. But fuck, what kind of person doesn't have emotions? A LAME one, that's who. I had to catch myself though. I couldn't allow her to see me like that. Not now. Not when I was supposed to be "taking it like a man."

She's a great girl. I think I enjoyed her presence more so because of what I saw in her. I looked past the fact that she was a little younger and perhaps not ready for this mature relationship. The Good Lord knows I'm certainly not the poster child for maturity. If you've ever received a "drunk email" or "drunk dial" from me, you'll understand. But much more importantly, I saw what she is to become. I know she will be a beautiful, trusting, honest, loving and compassionate woman. There are no doubts in my mind about this. Sometimes people just have to find themselves. I cannot knock someone for that.

She's a great girl. That is why I found it odd that going into our conversation, I wanted to be mean. I wanted to go in there, be stern and hurt her before she hurt me. But one look at those eyes, and I couldn't. I did sincerely speak with her about how I felt things had been messed up along the way. She knew that. She knew that we both weren't helping the situation. The worst part is, I thought I was. I thought I was putting myself on the line as this pretty damn good guy who she simply couldn't resist. But she did. I suppose I can find solace in the fact that she resisted me because she just wasn't ready for me, not because she doesn't care or doesn't like me. I believe she still does, and probably will for a while. It just scared her.

She's a great girl. And it scared me a bit too. I came up to this state, this town, with absolutely no intentions of meeting someone. I told several good friends that my only intention was to come up here, work hard and move on. I didn't want to get too attached to anyone. But then she came along, and my thoughts changed. No, I wasn't anywhere close to giving up my ideas of heading back down south. That is where I will be in the long run. But she made the thought of being here much easier. And she soothed me. I could be frustrated about the biggest problem, or the smallest complaint, and being around her just eased me. She is relaxing. She is full of life. She is beautiful.

She'll be a magnificent woman. I don't write this because I'm searching for pity. I don't write this because she might read it some day, which I hope she does. But, I write it to make myself feel better and to document yet another very important moment in my life. Whether she believes it or not, she is dear to me. I care for her and would be there for her in a heartbeat. We only saw each other for such a short time, but I saw all of the true beauty that is inside of her. For that, I am a lucky man.

I held her close for only a short time, but after she was gone, I'd see her smile on the face of a perfect stranger and I knew she would be there with my all the rest of my days.

What a trip. Got back from Athens yesterday and had an amazing time. Over the past week I've realized one thing. I have great fucking friends and family. Not only was it good to get out of DeKalb for a week and see my old stomping grounds, but the week long adventure allowed me time to hang out with so many people I haven't seen in a long, long time.

Well, theARGUS reunion took place Saturday night. Erich, Michael and Donovan were gracious enough to allow me to share the stage with them as we played around 12 songs. Most were from our batch of originals, but we threw in a couple of covers. I'd be lying if i said we weren't a little rusty. Actually, it was mainly just I who was trying to shake off the rust. Regardless, I had a great time being on the stage with those guys again. We played to an intimate crowd, mostly made of dear friends and family. And I tell ya' what, I was more nervous Saturday night than I had been in quite some time. It took a "good luck" phone call about 30 minutes before we played to calm me down. We did have a great time though.

My parents made the trip down to Athens to see me over the weekend. It was nice to have them around as we hung out Friday and Saturday night before they drove home Sunday. Yeap, took the parents out on the town both nights. There is something to be said for being able to share a beer with your parents. It seemed like they had a good time. They love Athens almost as much as I do, and adore my friends as well.

So appearances at the show consisted of Steve Rodecap and Cary Groth, both of the NIU Athletic Department, Bill and Sue Richards, from Ball State, Jessica and Joanna and of course, my boys Jonathan, Doug, Marc and Trent. The more I think about it, the more I know just how lucky I am.

Marc and Trent befriended me years ago, when I was a punk kid with long hair who thought he wrote well enough to work at The Red and Black. They really did take me under their wings and showed me the ropes. I've always been a huge fan of both of those guys. I consider them damn good friends, and for them to come and listen to music that I KNOW they don't really enjoy, well it means a lot. Both are great writers already, but will be some of the best you've ever heard of. I have no questions about that. And they will be there, covering the story when I am named Athletics Director at some school one day. And we will all celebrate.

Jessica and Joanna both hold special places in my heart. They are two of the most entertaining, crazy, loving friends I think I have. They feed off of each other. Yeah, so we all get a little crazy sometimes and maybe dance on the bar or something like that, but I'll be DAMNED if I don't want to have their energy. I could be on my deathbed, and if they showed up, I'd live for another 30 years just feeding off of their positive energy. I always enjoy seeing them, and I had a fantastic time partying with them after the show Saturday night.

Speaking of Jessica, her birthday is tomorrow ... so HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS!!! While we were partying it up Saturday night, Jess told me her lovely mom actually reads this waste of internet space. So thanks Mrs. Vicki Hardin! It is much appreciated! For any of you that don't know her, she is fabulous. I drove down from NC for Jessica's wedding a year ago and Vicki made me feel like the guest of honor. That is how wonderful she is. And her daughter takes after her.

Sunday night, I had the joy of seeing even more old friends. Jon Williams and his wife Mary Elizabeth had several people over for dinner. B, Nolia, their lovely son and daughter and Michael Moore were the dinner guests, along with Doug and me. I hadn't seen B and Michael since the old days in the fraternity. Jon, or as we like to call him, Slaw, always makes people feel at home. His cooking is damn good too. And Slaw, sorry for not eating as much. That cajun was doing some crazy things to my stomach!

So believe it or not, I actually did spend some time at the NCAA Men's Tennis Championship. Made appearances for the semifinals and finals. It was great to see some of the old faces in the UGA athletic department. There really are some good people there, and I hate they are all having to deal with the negative publicity that is coming out of there. I'm not saying the administration is always correct there, but damn they've got some dumb kids there. Someone needs to clean up the mess.

Well, I've babbled on long enough. In short, a great weekend surrounded by great old friends, new friends and family. You really can't beat that.

I really am a lucky, lucky man.

In less than 24 hours I'll be in Athens.

Not that I'm excited or anything. Um, right.

OF COURSE I'M EXCITED! I was able to get down there over December, but i didn't stay nearly as long as I would've liked. I'll be down there for various reasons ... an NIU Alumni Golf outing, the NCAA Men's Tennis Championships, seeing old and dear friends and of course, the ARGUS show taking place Saturday night at DT's Down Under. I can already tell it's going to be a great week away. And I probably need it. When I get back, summer camps will be in full swing. I'm not dreading it at all. It's a new challenge that I get to take on. No problem. Now, come July I may be begging for the beatings of small children, but for now I'm ok with it.

So my boy Flippen got engaged Monday night. Katie is a wonderful woman, and trust me ... she has to be to put up with this jackass! Seriously though, I consider them both very good friends of mine, and I am thankful to have them in my life. They will make a beautiful married couple, beautiful parents and easy targets for an ass whoopin' in any sporting event against my future wife and me. Those Flippens ... a bunch of wusses.

We had an all-staff golf outing Monday. Had some good fun out there on the course. Most of the holes are played with some gimmick ... teeing off with shoulder pads or a catchers mask on, stuff like that. It was honestly the most fun I've had on a golf course. It got me thinking that I should give that gave more of a chance. I bought clubs earlier this year, but I am intimidated by the game. Mainly because I suck at it. So many of my friends really enjoy playing though, so why not try and enjoy it myself? I know, I know ... I'm turning into Bill Cosby or something. I promise, I will never wear hideous sweaters like he used to on his show.

This trip is really gonna do me some good. Not that I'm unhappy right now. I'm actually enjoying life more now then I have in some time. That really has a lot to do with the people I've surrounded myself with. I have some of the greatest friends in the world. I wish they could all be there Saturday night for the ARGUS reunion ... especially Greg and Newpy. Those guys ARE ARGUS. Fellas, I'll be thinking about you. Make sure to tip a beer to us wherever you are at 10 PM Saturday night.

For those of you that I will see this weekend, I can't wait! For those of you I'll miss, know that you will be on my mind.

But Ray Charles knows what's on my mind right now ...

"Georgia, Georgia
The whole day through
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind"

Big Red: What doesn't kill you, makes for a better ARGUS song.

I remember my senior year of college. I had no idea what was going on with my life. No clue. I had what I thought was a great relationship and I was headed to grad school the following year. It seems like that would be enough to keep me happy. But it wasn't.

Deep down, I wasn't sure what I wanted. Did I want to be in this serious relationship? Did I just want to have fun? Did I really want to go to grad school, or was it just a way to kill some time? They answers were more difficult to find than I had imagined.

One year later, I had broken off that relationship and was thrilled with life. Yes, I soon found myself in an equally destructive relationship, but I was on my way to becoming me. Not everyone can say that. Some people become what their parents want. Others become what their jobs want. Some succumb to what their significant other wants. Me, I was becoming me.

Four years later ... Jesus, has it been that long? Four years later I look back on that time in my life and a slight grin comes up on my face. I don't smile because I'm bitter about past relationships. I don't smile because I floated through grad school, probably drinking more than I ever have. I smile, because now I am me. I've found myself. I don't think that hit me until tonight, but I have. I've found what I am and what I need. It is an amazing feeling. Some people go through their entire lives not really understanding and knowing themselves. I've done this in only 26 years. I feel very fortunate to be me. In fact, I love it.

Yeah, I don't expect cupid to come knocking on my door anytime soon. I certainly don't expect the perfect job to land in my lap right away either. But I'm on a road, ya know? I'm on a road where confidence, and maybe even a little bliss, allows me to get through the trials and tribulations of life. Hell no, life isn't perfect for me, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to enjoy it along the way.

And yeah, maybe sometimes I hold on too closely to these ideas of love and happiness that I have in my head, but that is ok by me. It is just part of who I am. Someone will love that. If it takes them awhile, or they figure it out right away, they'll see it. They'll want it. They'll have that same need and desire I will have for them, and it will be as perfect as it possibly can. No, it won't be perfect. It will just be perfect for me.