So I started seeing this one young lady over a month ago. The first date recap some of you may have received in your inbox. The moral of that story was that I was more nervous for the date than any other I can remember. It recounted all of the senseless ramblings in my head during the date and actually was pretty funny.
But this fine young girl and I have decided we aren't going to see each other any more. And I'm a little bummed about it. Well, a lot bummed.
She's a great girl. But in the end, she just wasn't ready for me. We enjoyed some really good times together, but the timing was awful. I hate that. I hate the fact that timing has to get in the way of feelings or thoughts. I wasn't looking to marry this girl. That is the furthest thing from my mind when I date someone. But I certainly was looking forward to spending time with her, enjoying life and just welcoming someone into my life again.
She's a great girl, but that won't happen now. Hey, no one is saying that it can't happen down the road, but who knows where our lives will be at that point. My biggest fear is not that she won't come back into my life. My biggest fear is that she will come back into my life, but someone much more intelligent and charming will have swept her off her feet. In the same respect, I cannot allow myself to sit around and wait on her. I could find an amazing girl next week that I'll want to spend a lot of time with. I'm not really expecting that to happen here in DeKalb, but you never know.
She's a great girl. And I loved how we could talk for hours. And we did. It didn't matter if I was 5 minutes away, right there in front of her or miles and miles away. We never ran out of things to talk about. Good conversation is not always easy to find. I'll appreciate that.
She's a great girl. Her beautiful brown eyes are so honest. When we were sitting there deciding that the timing was screwed, I almost cried. I'll miss her eyes. Yes, I can be a wuss. No doubt. But fuck, what kind of person doesn't have emotions? A LAME one, that's who. I had to catch myself though. I couldn't allow her to see me like that. Not now. Not when I was supposed to be "taking it like a man."
She's a great girl. I think I enjoyed her presence more so because of what I saw in her. I looked past the fact that she was a little younger and perhaps not ready for this mature relationship. The Good Lord knows I'm certainly not the poster child for maturity. If you've ever received a "drunk email" or "drunk dial" from me, you'll understand. But much more importantly, I saw what she is to become. I know she will be a beautiful, trusting, honest, loving and compassionate woman. There are no doubts in my mind about this. Sometimes people just have to find themselves. I cannot knock someone for that.
She's a great girl. That is why I found it odd that going into our conversation, I wanted to be mean. I wanted to go in there, be stern and hurt her before she hurt me. But one look at those eyes, and I couldn't. I did sincerely speak with her about how I felt things had been messed up along the way. She knew that. She knew that we both weren't helping the situation. The worst part is, I thought I was. I thought I was putting myself on the line as this pretty damn good guy who she simply couldn't resist. But she did. I suppose I can find solace in the fact that she resisted me because she just wasn't ready for me, not because she doesn't care or doesn't like me. I believe she still does, and probably will for a while. It just scared her.
She's a great girl. And it scared me a bit too. I came up to this state, this town, with absolutely no intentions of meeting someone. I told several good friends that my only intention was to come up here, work hard and move on. I didn't want to get too attached to anyone. But then she came along, and my thoughts changed. No, I wasn't anywhere close to giving up my ideas of heading back down south. That is where I will be in the long run. But she made the thought of being here much easier. And she soothed me. I could be frustrated about the biggest problem, or the smallest complaint, and being around her just eased me. She is relaxing. She is full of life. She is beautiful.
She'll be a magnificent woman. I don't write this because I'm searching for pity. I don't write this because she might read it some day, which I hope she does. But, I write it to make myself feel better and to document yet another very important moment in my life. Whether she believes it or not, she is dear to me. I care for her and would be there for her in a heartbeat. We only saw each other for such a short time, but I saw all of the true beauty that is inside of her. For that, I am a lucky man.
I held her close for only a short time, but after she was gone, I'd see her smile on the face of a perfect stranger and I knew she would be there with my all the rest of my days.