Did you know I never mentally planned a wedding, or dreamed about my future husband, or having children until you came into my life. No, that didn't happen immediately after I met you. It was on that road trip to the Sugar Bowl in Atlanta at the beginning of 2006, nearly a year and half after we met. Prior to that, I envisioned myself successful and independent...and single.
I didn't want to meet you. I wasn't interested in dating. I was trying to get my head on straight. I dated a little in college, but basically had one long term relationship. When that ended, I saw it as a good opportunity to figure out who I was, what I wanted, and where my life was going. I declined to meet this "guy that might be perfect match for me." But then a few nights later, we met anyways. I liked you immediately, even though I tried to blow you off. You lived out of state and I made assumptions about you. (I was wrong.) Maybe that's why you were so attracted to me? At the time, I was too head strong to fall into your jaylowe trap. Ha. We see how that turned out.
Somehow we set out on a long distance dating adventure. I remember the first time I visited you in Nashville. You took me on a river boat cruise and I thought it was sweet and fun. Later you said I got wine drunk. I don't know if I remember that part. I feel like I saw you a fairly decent amount that fall despite your hectic work schedule and my school schedule. We made it work for awhile.
Things got a little tricky about six months into our relationship. Life took us in different directions and we parted ways. I believe you wrote a post about how you weren't finding yourself in love with me...in hindsight, I don't think either one of us was ready to accept the significance of our feelings for each other. We both needed to grow up and let go of some baggage.
When we broke up I felt like our time wasn't over, something in my gut told me that. I felt like things would work out if they were meant to be. I was upset when we broke up. It was a different kind of upset, more profound and real. I didn't talk to you for awhile, I wasn't trying to be your friend. Some might say you broke my heart in the early part of 2005. I would roll my eyes at that.
In the later part of 2005, it was like a force drew us together. Everything was different and the same in some ways. Our relationship was better, we were better, we were more mature, we had left our baggage behind. Maybe those nearly 10 months apart helped us grow up.
Suddenly, I could see a future...with you. I remember the first time you told me you loved me. I remember when I realized I was in love with you. I wanted to be with you. All the time. I wanted an opportunity to live in the same city as you. To have a normal, not long distance relationship. Much to my surprise and delight, we were engaged before I moved to Nashville.
It wasn't happily ever after. It was happily build a life together. We had such a deep mutual respect and consideration for one another that we communicated and worked through the bumps of merging your life with someone else. We learned to make decisions together, to lean on each other, to embrace the moments. You taught me to view life as an adventure, to value people, to nurture relationships, to lighten up (sometimes), to laugh every day, to love with your whole heart, to be a better me.
You were totally different from me. You lit up my whole world. You painted a different future. You changed my life. You were my perfect partner. You were simply amazing. I miss sharing my life with you.
I love you forever. I miss you all the time.