jaylowe.com
  • jaylowe.com
  • the lowe down
  • resume
  • argus
    • argus history
    • argus songs
    • brian
    • erich
    • greg
    • donovan
    • michael
    • jay
  • photos
  • links

Six Months

5/19/2016

 
Dear Jay, 

It's been six months. I don't know where the time has gone; life has moved so fast. Arabelle finished pre-k yesterday day. In place of a pre-k graduation, her school did a spring musical. She was great. She danced and sang and smiled. You would have been so proud. I cried because you weren't there, because my heart smiled at her beautiful spirit, because I was so proud of her, because I was sad for her that you are gone, because there's so many of life's "firsts"' that we'll have to do without you. 

Your 39th birthday is in five days. It'll also be six months since your memorial service. Baby #3 will be here in less than six weeks and our nine year anniversary is in six weeks. I have many different feelings about all of this; many feelings I want to go away.  I just keep thinking about what you would tell Arabelle when she was upset, "take a deep breath, it'll be okay." 

I know it'll be okay, a different kind of okay, but okay nonetheless. Sometimes, most of the time, this isn't the version of "okay" I want. I want a life with you in it. I want a life with my husband in it. I want a life where we raise our daughters together. I want a life where our daughters have their daddy. I want a life where I don't have to tell a two year old where her daddy is. I want a life where I'm bringing our 3rd child into the world with you. I want life that's full of experiences and not just memories of you. I want our old life back. I actively focus on accepting life as it is now, because I think that's emotionally and mentally healthier, and I think you want us to thrive. But my heart is still broken. I still miss you every day. I still think of you every day. I still wonder why you're no longer here with us. I still can't process the reality of it all. I still don't understand...I never will. 

I miss you like I've never missed anyone. I love you forever. 

Yours, 
​
​Courtney 

Comments are closed.

    the lowe down

    The life and times of Jay Lowe, a 30-something university employee, music lover, husband, sports enthusiast and most importantly, dad.

    current enjoyments

    Picture
    Jackopiece - Live 25
    Picture
    Aftermath: Star Wars: Journey to Star Wars: The Force Awakens

    email

    email suggestions to [email protected]

    RSS Feed

    archives

    September 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    February 2014
    October 2013
    September 2013
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    November 2008
    September 2008
    July 2008
    May 2008
    April 2008
    December 2007
    October 2007
    September 2007
    July 2007
    June 2007
    April 2007
    January 2007
    December 2006
    November 2006
    October 2006
    August 2006
    June 2006
    May 2006
    April 2006
    March 2006
    February 2006
    January 2006
    November 2005
    October 2005
    September 2005
    August 2005
    July 2005
    June 2005
    May 2005
    April 2005
    March 2005
    February 2005
    January 2005
    December 2004
    November 2004
    October 2004
    September 2004
    August 2004
    July 2004
    June 2004
    May 2004
    April 2004
    March 2004
    February 2004
    January 2004
    December 2003
    November 2003
    October 2003
    September 2003
    August 2003
    July 2003
    June 2003
    May 2003
    April 2003
    March 2003
    February 2003
    January 2003
    December 2002
    November 2002
    October 2002
    September 2002
    August 2002
    July 2002
    June 2002
    May 2002
    April 2002
    March 2002
    February 2002
    January 2002

Proudly powered by Weebly