I really do believe that. I mean honestly, Star Wars, wrestling, Transformers ... all of this is still fresh on the brain as it was 20 years ago. As I sit here and write my last Lowe Down before I travel to Atlanta for the wedding, I realize just how much effect childhood has on the person we become. I mentioned in an earlier Lowe Down I was reading over some old diaries. I believe there is always a need to connect with your past. I have learned from all that I have done and all that have passed before me.
Maybe it is because I am getting married in 4 days. Maybe it is because I hope to have children some day. Maybe it is because I still watch it. Maybe it is just because I have a soft heart. Regardless, this is so tragic.
My family even gives me a hard time for watching wrestling. I love entertainment. This is a form for me. Not for everyone, but for me. The sad part about this is, this is one of those cases where "no one would've suspected" it. Chris was a family guy and gave his heart and soul to the business. I never met him, never knew him, never was in the same room with him. Alas, I feel that pain.
Last year at Greg and Sarah's wedding, I become overly emotional towards the end. It most likely had to do with the fact I was proposing to Courtney 7 days later, but I also believe some of it had to with the fact I believe I have been touched by so many wonderful people. My life is what I have made it. My decisions are not always popular with the norm, but I believe in the decisions I make. I think I am one of the fortunate souls who can honestly say I do not have regret in my life. Everything has brought me to where I am today. My family ... words cannot describe how important they are. My friends ... they witnessed the development of Jay Lowe the kid to Jay Lowe the man. My new family ... wow, I mean they must be really banking on the fact I am a decent guy. I'd be hard pressed to have everyone in these groups agree with my decisions. Just when you think I'm some normal dude, I'll pull make some strange decision. Strange to others, not to me.
My childhood made me. I learned lessons from Obi Wan and Yoda. From Duke and Lady Jaye. From Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. From He-Man and Skeletor. From My mom, my dad and my sister. From my friends. From my favorite musicians. All of these life experiences, be it heartfelt lessons or the typical "tv lesson," made me who I am today. And I fucking love it. Are there days where I question everything? Yes. Would I be foolish not to do so? Yes.
I type before you not a broken man, but a honest and ready man. Four days from now I will pledge my love and my honor to the woman of my dreams. The same woman who tries to ignore the fact I DVR Monday Night Raw, have wrestling action figures and would rather turn on the PS2 than do yard work. Well, there is plenty of that ... I just try and space it out.
So while the next few days will be full of faces and memories, I would be remiss not to think of those who aren't here. All of my grandparents ... Granny, Pappy, Grandma and Grandpa. Stephanie. Friends who can't make the wedding. Friends whom I couldn't invite.
No one will be surprised to see tears pour from my eyes this weekend. The love and passion I have for my family and friends will never tire, but remembering my childhood and its impact will mean so much.
I did shed a tear for Chris Benoit and his family tonight. I won't shed a tear for them this weekend, although all of those childhood memories will surface and cause me to even more appreciate this real adult moment.