We made it to The Dash and spent several days with your family. Arabelle got so excited when we pulled into Alice's neighborhood, she started squealing with delight. She was really happy there with your family. I think Emery was, too, but she was also rather clingy and didn't sleep very well. It was a bit exhausting. Despite that, the trip was really good for all of us. We spent an evening with the Grants as well. In some ways, I felt very much like you were there despite the enormous void we feel in your absence. For the first time since this nightmare started, I felt truly at peace. My heart didn't feel broken, my mind wasn't overly anxious, and my soul didn't feel crushed. Being with your family and friends was so good for me, for the girls. It didn't make me miss you any less and I know there are still rough days ahead, but for a few days I felt "okay."
I know you always worried about me, especially when I was taking the girls out. You always worried about our safety and if I was doing too much. Everything feels like "too much" right now, but it's our life and we have to adapt. We made it safely up to NC and back. I was selective in choosing locations to stop and minimized stops at that. I also let several people know exactly where I was and when we got back on the road. I thought of you and how you worried and how you probably wouldn't like me traveling alone with the girls. Unfortunately, that's our only option. Don't worry, Jay, I know my limits and I'll ask for help when I need it. We'll manage, it won't be easy, but we'll figure it out.
The girls had a great Christmas. They were happy, which made me happy. I found much peace and comfort spending time with loved ones. I survived Christmas. I wasn't sure how it was going to be, but I survived and even enjoyed myself. You are so greatly missed. So many memories flooded my mind the last few days, so much happiness, so much life, so much love, and so much loss. It's still so confusing and so hard.
I love you. I miss you so much. I wish you were here.