I laughed. Hysterically.
But then I was thinking about it. See, Person X is going through a lot of difficult decisions regarding her love life. It is never easy, and I do feel for her. More importantly I understand her situation. Person X is a caring individual, who would do any and everything to make her friends and loved ones happy. To a great extent, I admire that. My mother is like that. I used to be very much like that. I have other friends who are like that. But when I sat and thought about Person X's comment to me, I realized it is mainly due to the fact I am not totally like that anymore. I do want happiness in the lives of friends and family, but I also know I have to be happy.
As selfish as it may sound, I decided a couple of years ago that I needed to start doing things for me. I'd done plenty of things for others in my life, and I did enjoy that, but as I grew older, it made me realize that by bending over backwards for everyone else, I was forgetting to make my life what I wanted it to be.
My family and friends make me feel very fortunate. They add a great deal of hope and balance in my life. But if I wanted to be truly happy in life, than I needed to be selfish. I needed to find out what makes me happy. I needed to break off things that didn't work, and fight for other things that do work. I feel like that time of my life has given way to what I am today; a truly self confident man who knows what he wants. I want to be successful in my work, but I also want a happy home. Those two things are attainable, but had I always done what others wanted to do, I don't believe I would've come to those conclusions. At least, not so quickly in life.
We all have difficult decisions to make in life. A lot of them are not easy, but it is a means to an end. If you want happiness in your life, true happiness, you have to make decisions that are difficult. You have to realize that these decisions will lead you to a place where your life is what you've created, and hopefully it is everything you've wanted. As I relate everything to music, it's like the song "This is your life," by Switchfoot. This IS your life. Is it who you want to be? I know I am making my way to the person I want to become because I've allowed myself to do things for me. It'll be that much more worth it when I can share it with someone.
Scott was able to finally show me the house we will be turning into the pimp palace, starting in June. The location is great. The landlord is a very nice guy. The house it self is old. It needs a good bit of work. Scott, the poor bastard, is going to be doing a lot of work on it since I will be out of town a good bit this month. It is a bit smaller than I had thought, but I feel like we can make it work. If nothing else, I'll be living with a good friend, close to work and saving money all at the same time. That is certainly not a bad thing.
I leave tomorrow morning for NC. I'm excited to see my family and the friends I'll have the opportunity to see while there. I'll get some quality time with the Blixt sisters, as well as Newpy, in Chapel Hill before I head to Greenville, Thursday for Marian's graduation. I'm so excited to see my parents and especially my sister. I'm so proud of her accomplishments. I know I say that all the time on this page, but it is just damn true. She has grown up to be such a beautifully put together woman. I take full credit! Ok, that isn't true, but I am just fortunate to be able to spend such a special day with her.