It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again
...So let the light guide your way, yeah
Hold every memory as you go
And every road you take, will always lead you home, home
These lyrics speak to me. I get them. I mean really, truly get them. They make me think about the past 11 months. We've come a long way, and yet we have a long way to go. The days seem to drag at times, but the year is flying by. We're approaching the 11 month mark. Ugh, it feels like forever and a minute all at the same time. How can that be? November lurking ahead feels heavy and scary. I don't know how I'll feel. I don't know what to expect. Will it be as bad as last year? Will it feel worse in some ways? I don't know. I don't want to know, but it is coming...
I am anxious. I am sad. I am thankful I am here with the girls. I am mad you're missing out. I feel guilty. I still wonder what happened. I want to scream at someone to tell me why! Could it have been prevented? Did I miss something, did we miss something? Why you? Why then? Why us? Why? I am angry that we were blissfully doing life one minute and the next it was ripped away from us. Everything changed without warning. I miss you. Can you understand the weight your absence has left? How much I miss you? What I wouldn't give to have you back? To have our life back? To have our story turn out differently? To spare our children of this pain and grief? It should have been different.
I think of you all the time. You're always on my mind. I'm always aware of your absence. Even happy moments are somewhat bittersweet, because you are missing.
I love you. You are always in my heart.