I am happy today. Truly happy. Nothing extraordinary happened. I just feel happy. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones? Maybe I slept well last night? Maybe this is a natural part of grief, up and down? Or maybe I'm realizing we are going to be okay, we are going to live and thrive, and make our life beautiful. We are going to fill our life with special moments, happy memories, and love for you and for us. I feel very hopeful about our future. My mind is not scared and my heart does not feel crushed...today. I know there will still be moments that are bittersweet, sad, and heartbreaking, but today is a good day. I am learning to live in and accept all of life's moments.
I am making a conscious effort to be happy, to focus on all the good things in the world, to embrace and accept our life, to be thankful all day every day. I know now that every day we are alive is a special day, one to be celebrated and cherished. Life is incredibly short and we know all too well how quickly it can change. I feel a shift in my being. I don't know quite what it is or what it will lead to, but a shift is happening. I think it is a good thing. I feel stronger today than I have in awhile. I don't doubt that I can do this, that I can raise our daughters (all 3 of them!) to be happy, kind, loving, and gracious young ladies. We can and will make you proud. We will all live up to your legacy.
Many people have impacted my life, but no one more than you. Sometimes I think you must have been an angel sent to me. When I look back on our life together, all I can see is a truly beautiful life full of love and happiness. We had many ups and some downs, but you and I had a connection and love that will last a lifetime. I hope everyone experiences the kind of love we shared. It made my life so much richer. I am thankful you picked me. I do not know how I snagged you, but I did and that makes me smile every day. The goodness and love you exuded taught me more about myself and the way I want to live than you'll ever know. Your encouragement, support, and faith in me continues to give me strength. I know you are my biggest cheerleader, you so much as told me at my first OB appointment. I can feel you pushing me, encouraging me, helping me, and looking out for me. Being your friend, your partner in life, and mother of your children is and always will be the greatest honor of my life.
Marian posted the quote below on our Facebook group the other day and it really resonated with me. I think it is an important way to look at life after a tragedy. This will stick with me for a very long time. I found it very profound and inspirational. If the roles were reversed, it's exactly what I would want you to focus on and I am certain it is what you want me to focus on.
"Instead of asking why they left, now I ask, what beauty will I create in the space they no longer occupy?" Rudy Francisco
I love you endlessly and unconditionally. I miss you deeply.