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Never buy a sectional couch

2/11/2002

 
First of all, that's bullshit …

Ok, never buy a sectional couch. I mean, NEVER. They have to be the worst creations in the world. I can't understand why anyone ever thought these things were a good idea. Oh, and if you have hard wood floors, you might as well say goodbye to whomever you are sitting next to, because lord knows your section of the couch will float away faster than Wilson off of Tom Hanks' raft.

I suppose there are some advantages really. Being able to move the different pieces … creating a different seating area. That's a good one …………………………… um ……………………… maybe that's the only one. The couch in our den doesn't even attach to itself. Apparently some sectional couches have little clasps that hold them together. Oh no, not ours.

Why has this become such an issue with me? Here's why … I had to sleep on the damn thing Saturday night. After just a kick ass night out on the town, people returned to Spring Street to relax. Well, a couple of our lady friends partied a little too much to return to their respective homes that night, so I, being the true gentleman that I am, offered them my bed. After they kicked me out, I retired to the den where I put on the Sting – Live cd (great cd by the way) and collapsed on the sectional couch.

Now the problem wasn't really with me falling asleep … I could have done that standing up at that point in the night. But when I woke up, I discovered that I had become a member of a touring contortionist group. The freakin' sections of the couch had totally separated. My legs were in between two sections, toes touching the ground, and my arm was off the other end … I was an island unto myself, if even only for a night of sleep.

But seriously, what a pain in the ass. I was so sore and pissed when I woke up … not to mention, part of the couch had caused the electrical cord to my lamp to bend out of the socket.

All in all a very unpleasant night of sleep on a couch that I would just as soon throw out the window before I ever sleep on it again. Not to mention, it's very difficult to make out on a sectional. I don't advise it.

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