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Ramblings

6/13/2003

 
I think the purest moments in my life occur when I'm at the bar surrounded by a group of friends. You'd think it would be those times hanging with the friends that I would remember most. Of course I appreciate all the time spent with close friends. But the purest moment for me lies in the times where I am surrounded by friends, yet am by myself.

You sit at the bar for a few hours, talking with friends. Trying to catch up on things or bitch about the latest work hassle. But then that time comes where everyone is talking to everyone else, and you are sitting there, cold beer in hand, contemplating life.

Everything flows through my mind at those moments. Where will I be in 5 years? Hell, where will I be in 2 years? Am I am suitable man? Do I present all the qualities necessary to make for a fine family man?

Perhaps no one else thinks about these things. I do. When I sit at the bar and find my way out of conversations, I really begin to think. It hits me like a brick … are you doing something you enjoy? Are the people you are surrounding yourself worth the time? Are you really bettering yourself? While the answers for all of those questions tend to be yes, I still find time to ask myself more questions.

And maybe it's because I just think too much. A lot of people think too much. But I feel like it's a curse. I do feel that sometimes my mind impedes the process of real life. I think about my job too much. I think about women too much. Is it a curse? Do all persons my age think about this shit? Or is it just me? Am I the only DUMBASS who allows this crap to take over their brain?

Sometimes … no, most of the times I babble. I do. I can't just spit out things that make sense. Oh hell, I can write up a storm, but talking about things is a different process. It's not like I need help in any way … I just wish I had some guidance. But I suppose that is what makes life enjoyable.

All I know is that I'll be home for a week in late July, and I cannot wait. I really plan on taking a couple of days and heading myself to the beach. I love my family dearly and would do anything for them, but I think I just need a few days to collect myself. Sitting on the beach, drinking some Coronas … not worrying about a damn thing. Sounds like a good time, right?

Well, if you've read this whole thing, you've obviously been suckered into another jaylowe drunkin' ramble. You poor dumb bastard. Hey, sometimes we just all have to run our mouths. Fortunately for me, I've got this web page. I can say whatever I want, when I want. And you poor saps read it. God bless you all.

Time to pass out.

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    the lowe down

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